I’m not normally one for new year’s resolutions and really, it being mid-way through January, I’ve probably missed the boat a little bit. But tomorrow is the start of our family holiday and the end of Mr H’s stint at his current job, the one which sent us all a little bit over the edge. So it feels like this is the new start and only now am I thinking about resolutions.
I’ve felt as though it’s taken most of 2011 to really accept that I *am* bipolar; that I have this condition and always will, that I need to be on a constant supply of medication and that I can’t rely on my moods. This year I want to be able to continue learning more about what bipolar means, how I can control, embrace and understand it so that I’m able to live as normal a life as possible without constantly thinking about and referring to it as I have done over the past months.
First, I intend to continue making regular updates to this blog. I’ve always been useless at diaries but as a writer having an audience, however small, always helps. Plus, who knows, I might even help myself or perhaps somebody else by writing about my experiences.
Second, after the bad experiences of the last year, which have brought screaming back a lot of the symptoms of social anxiety, I want to feel comfortable around people again. I’m so lucky to have found some amazing friends lately to add to the great ones I already have, and I want the reliable, patient, lovely friends to have something better than a monosyllabic nervous wreck to share cups of tea with.
Third, and perhaps most importantly, I want my family life not to revolve around bipolar and my anxieties. Mr H and the kids deserve better than a ‘it’s my condition’ line. I know that there are times I can’t help being sleepy or snappy or, y’know, something else that sounds like one of the seven dwarves, but I want to be at a point where I don’t just shrug my shoulders and let it consume me because I have the excuse. Must do something about that.
Just a good ol’ ‘give up smoking’ would be so much easier..